The Art of Conscious Communication
Clients come to me all the time wanting to work on their communication AND I am here for it!
Whether you are navigating family dynamics, workplace interactions, friendships or romantic partnership, conscious communication can be a game changer. As a clinical counsellor specializing in relationship health, I have witnessed firsthand the incredible impact conscious communication has on the individual and those around them.
In this blog post, I will share steps to help strengthen your communication skills cultivating more ease and love in your life.
How can you tell if your communication skills are lacking?
Unecessary upsets
Disconnection from yourself and to others
Energy levels feeling depleted and drained
Defensivness amps up on both sides
Constant fights coming your way
Relationships dropping like flies
Resentment leading the way
Reactivity and regret
The good news?
Communication is a skill that can be improved through exploration, courage, and effort.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
– Tony Robbins
First lets start with what is conscious communication?
It is our ability to clearly, curiously, and compassionately communicate with ourSELF and with those around us.
It includes taking a pause, taking care of the chatter, noticing our triggers and stories, and clearing room for addressing accordingly.
It puts the responsibility on us leading to a more calm, anchored and responsive state.
Why is it important?
Less stress, more energy, more clarity, plus enhances our wellbeing and relationships.
Here are 5 steps to cultivate more conscious communication in your life.
Step 1: What is real?
When a challenging situation comes our way it's common to weave narratives and assign meaning to the situation, leaving us triggered and reactive.
Zooming out and viewing it with a neutral lens is necessary: What are the facts? What is truly real?
Take a few deep breaths and see if you begin to feel calm and more centred. Drop into the present moment and discern the actual circumstances. Notice if past experiences or emotions are influencing what you see.
By grounding ourselves in the reality of the situation, free from stories and meanings, we can cultivate clarity and approach the situation with more ease.
Step 2: How do you feel?
Using a feelings wheel can be really supportive in this process. Name it to tame it. Identifying and naming our emotions allows us to understand and manage them differently.
As you explore your emotions, notice any patterns or themes. Does this feeling lead to an unmet need or a past issue that requires attention?
Sometimes our instant reaction to a situation may be influenced by past experiencing or underlying emotions that have not been aknowledged. By naming it, we can gain insight into what truly needs our attention and care, and seeing if the current situation has brought something up beyond what actually happened.
Honour what feelings arise with self-compassion and curiosity.
Step 3: What am I needing in this moment?
As you navigate your emotions and the situation at hand, it's important to check in with yourself and identify your needs. What is it that needing in this moment?
Is it acceptance—for yourself, for the situation, or for others involved? Perhaps you're seeking understanding—a deeper insight into your emotions or the circumstances that led to this moment. Or maybe it's attention—you desire acknowledgment and validation of your feelings and experiences.
Self-compassion is another essential need to consider. Are you offering yourself kindness, patience, and understanding as you navigate through these emotions? Remember that you deserve gentleness and care, especially in challenging moments.
Take a moment to reflect on what you truly need right now, and consider how you can provide that for yourself. Whether it's acceptance, understanding, attention, or self-compassion, honor your needs with kindness and nurturing. You are worthy of your own love and support.
Step 4: Identifying what the request is.
After acknowledging your emotions and needs, it's essential to clarify what specific action or support you're seeking from yourself or others. This step involves identifying your request while being mindful of your intention behind it.
Take a moment to discern what you truly want in this situation. Are you seeking an apology, validation, or a change in behavior? Be clear about your intention—are you motivated by a desire to teach a lesson, or are you open to collaboration and mutual understanding?
It's crucial to recognize that making a request doesn't guarantee a particular outcome. The other person has the autonomy to respond as they see fit—they may agree, disagree, apologize, or choose not to engage. Allow yourself the space to sit with both potential outcomes before initiating a conversation.
By articulating your request with clarity and integrity, you set the stage for open and constructive communication. Whether the response is affirmative or not, honoring your needs and intentions allows you to navigate the situation with authenticity and grace.
Step 5: What is this trying to show me?
Whatever the outcome is, it can always show us what needs our attention. Wherever the communication leads takes us we can honour and celebrate staying curious, calm, and connected leading with our hearts.
Embrace this experience as a chance to learn, evolve, and strengthen your communication skills. This is a gift and more wisdom and insight unfolds from each encounter.
If we would only listen with the same passion that we feel about needing to be heard.”
Conscious communication is an impactful tool that can deepen our relationships, resolve conflict and create more harmony in our life. Remember that it is a practice and a journey of self-discovery and growth. It may take some time and may you embrace all the beauty and love through more intentional dialogue.